Now
that I’m retired, I have more free time than most people who are still
working. In theory, retirement should bring freedom—the chance to
explore hobbies, take long-awaited trips, reconnect with passions set
aside during working years, or simply relax after a lifetime of effort.
But for me, this chapter of life has taken on a very different form.
Though
my calendar no longer includes job responsibilities, deadlines, or
meetings, my time is far from unoccupied. In fact, it’s more demanding
and emotionally complex than anything I've ever experienced in the
workforce. Nearly every moment of my day and night is devoted to the
care of my wife, my life partner of nearly 50 years. She is in the
latter stages of dementia, and her condition requires constant
vigilance, patience, and compassion.
This
is not care in the abstract. It is deeply personal, physical, and
emotional. It means feeding, bathing, soothing, guiding, and above all, being there, fully
and without pause. It is a 24/7 role that tests the limits of stamina,
spirit, and at times, sanity. There are no days off, no vacation, and no
time to emotionally retreat. Each day begins much like the one before
it, and ends with me helping her gently into bed, hoping for a peaceful
night.
And
yet, despite the fatigue and the emotional toll, I do it without
hesitation. I do it because of love. Because of the life we built
together. Because she deserves dignity and comfort, even as her mind
continues to betray the vibrant woman she once was. There is pain in
this journey, an ongoing grief for someone who is still physically here
but slowly slipping away. But there is also grace, and moments of deep
meaning that words can hardly capture.
Still,
after she’s finally settled into sleep and the house is quiet again, my
mind turns elsewhere. I use what little solitude I have left each
evening to reflect, but also to look outward, to examine the world we
now live in. I open my laptop or turn on the TV, searching for updates,
truths, and warnings about the steady, relentless erosion of our
democracy.
Each
night, I search to see what catastrophic thing has been done on behalf
of Donny Two-Dolls, what new distortion, abuse, or corruption has been
pushed into public view, often normalized through repetition and
silence. It is a never-ending saga, and each revelation is more
outrageous, more dangerous, more corrosive than the last. I check
several sources, comparing facts, perspectives, and evidence.
Occasionally, I come across one I hadn’t known or thought about, a deeper
cut, a buried report, a chilling connection.
https://longer.blue/posts/4D7Tm1KoAc?posted=true